Sorry, reader(s). I’ve totally dropped the ball on this one. I know, I know – there aren’t really any excuses for not keeping up with blog posts that take me maybe half an hour to write, but I’ve been feeling really lethargic lately and have had a whole barrage of issues to deal with, including packing up my dad’s house (the one I grew up in), and the 23 years of crap that’s managed to make itself a permanent fixture there, so it can FINALLY be remodeled. I swear, if the sanitation department, or public health or whatever the hell it is, ever found out about that house, the whole lot would be condemned and set for demolition. In any case, the house is almost cleaned out, except for my room, which has turned into a kind of storage space since it’ll probably be the last part of the house that gets redone. We’ve already donated a literal ton of goods, and there’s still more that needs to go.
In other news, I finally bit the bullet and joined a weight loss program, which I’ll probably be blogging about if only because it’s pretty much a cult of food-obsessed, bored housewives. Make good choices! Fried food is the enemy! Starch is BAD! Jesus, I almost feel like I just signed up for the Boy Scouts. In the 1940s. In Nazi Germany.
And on that note, I’m going out to dinner with friends where I’ll inevitably break every rule in the handbook. Oh, did I mention I might be going to Mexico this weekend, too? Damn, I picked the wrong week to start a diet.
Expect some movie recommendations tomorrow… I have a lot of them. Get your Netflix ready.
I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. Let’s start again, shall we?
Hi, my name is Allison. I live in Suburbia, CA and am unemployed. I spend my days looking for jobs that don’t exist, watching as many movies as I can, and baking as if my life depended on it. Clearly, I’m not moving out of my mom’s house anytime soon.
I had a job over the summer running a homestay program for a group of French high schoolers, but they left a while ago, and ever since I’ve been making serious headway into my Netflix queue (201 movies long, in case you were wondering, and I’ve already rated more than 1,000) while pondering the idea of going to pastry school and/or moving back to France. In the meantime, I’ll just temp my way to financial pseudo-security and keep dreaming.
Oh, and on the personal side, I’ve been ordered to lose a bunch of weight by numerous doctors, but not for any reason you’d normally associate with being overweight. Turns out I have this neurological condition called pseudotumor cerebri, which in short is when your cerebro-spinal fluid pressure is elevated and gives you symptoms of a brain tumor (chronic headaches, tinitus, rushing sound in the ears, neck and shoulder pain, etc.). No one knows why, but it occurs mostly in overweight young women, and if the patient loses weight, it usually goes away permanently. If I don’t lose the weight, it’s just going to keep giving me headaches and maybe make me go blind. And I kind of value my sight, so I’m going to actually make a concerted effort this time so I don’t, you know, go blind.
Consequently, this blog will probably be a lot more fat-centric, since it’s the life I live and fat culture is constantly being thrown in my face (although I have to admit, I can’t really get enough of it). I’ll try to keep it relatively diverse, though – short movie reviews are a must, TV recaps, maybe, baking things. Somebody other than me should be profiting from how much time I spend in front of the TV and in the kitchen. Basically, it’s not going to be a chronicle of my weight loss efforts because that’s between me and my body… and my doctors… and my father, who is a doctor, who asks me every time I talk to him if I’m losing any weight.
That’s about all for now. Next up, I’ll try to sum up the last few weeks in terms of movies I’ve watched. I think we’re going to need a bigger blog.
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So, I’ve got to deal with a non-life-threatening medical issue, and a three-week job that’s going to consume every second of my life… I’ll be back in August, hopefully headache-free and ready to blog… for real this time.
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It’s been a while. I’m sick. I’ll be back when my head isn’t all fuzzy and hot.
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Don’t blow up your hands or other appendages and if you partake in the great American tradition of seeing how much beer you can drink before your stomach explodes, give your keys to the Mormon.
For those of you who don’t know me, I like movies. I watch a lot of them. If it were up to me, movie watching would be an Olympic sport, and if it were, I would win gold in every event. I’ve been known to hole myself up at home and curl up with the newest round of Netflix movies, not to resurface until they, and all the watchable movies on TV, have been watched. Oh, I think I just realized why I never meet new people.
Anyways, I’m going to try to briefly review movies on a fairly regular basis here, because honestly, I watch so many that really aren’t worth watching, so I thought I could save you the time. My most recent flicks:
1. The Visitor (2007): I don’t remember much, if any, publicity for this one, until Richard Jenkins, the lead, was nominated for an Oscar. I really wish it had gotten more, because it’s definitely worth renting. Basically, this stuffy professor comes back to his apartment in NYC after a long absence to find an immigrant couple living there. They become friends, and he’s changed for the better. Sounds corny, but it’s very touching and really well-acted. Plus, the snarky male nurse from Nurse Jackie is in it, and he’s pretty hot. Verdict: Rent it.
2. RocknRolla (2008): It’s a poor-man’s Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, a less engaging Snatch. The only plus is that Tom Wilkinson’s in it and Gerard Butler shows his ass ten minutes into the movie. (FYI, it’s not that pretty – he’s lucky he’s got that accent going for him.) It’s supposed to be the first part of a trilogy, and I hope to G-d the next two parts are better. Come on Mr. Madonna Guy Ritchie, I’m rooting for you. Verdict: Skip it.
3. The Reader (2008): I’m way late to the Oscar party, I know. I can’t believe it took me this long to see this. This is an extremely trite way to describe this movie, but it is, for lack of a better word, amazing. It starts one way, then makes a sharp left, then swerves again, and eventually drives off a cliff. In a good way. Kate Winslet earned every inch of that Oscar, but then again, she can pretty much do no wrong. She was even adorable in The Holiday. The story is incredibly thought-provoking and heavy, and it left me feeling sad and confused, but better for having watched it. Verdict: Buy it, or at least watch it once because if you have a soul, you won’t be able to sit through it more than that.
I have decided to try to be a more productive member of society. More on that tomorrow.
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Things to do this week:
1. Get stung by bee hiding in kitchen towel.
2. Catalog the six boxes of crap I got for my job.
3. Clean up room.
4. Find carrot cake recipe for best friend’s birthday.
5. Make life plan.
6. Win lotto.
Alright. So, in general, I kind of like Gordon Ramsay. He’s a badass, he knows his way around a kitchen, and he doesn’t take crap from anybody. Arrogant? Yes. An asshole? Maybe. A sellout? Probably. If you’ve ever watched his shows on BBC America, you know that he’s not actually the devil incarnate; he’s a much softer version of Fox’s “Hell’s Kitchen” Gordon Ramsay, who speaks in normal tones, laughs a lot, and manages to interact with everyone with minimal screaming involved. Plus, his British shows are more informative, less produced, and more fun to watch, and I surprisingly respect his decision to raise a set of animals himself, at his home, to serve in his restaurant, even though I would never be able to do it myself.
That being said, is he a douchebag? Most definitely. He’s been (kind of) in the news lately for making sexist, homophobic remarks about an Australian reporter, and he’s been known to throw around euphemisms and fat jokes left and right. It always bothered me a bit, but I just figured it was his schtick and let it slide. Then a new season of my favorite of his shows, “Gordon Ramsay’s F Word”, started on BBC America on Wednesday.
To start out, it showed a little preview of what could be expected this season. Interesting reporting pieces! Funny teams working in the kitchen! Amazing guest diners! And, I quote:
“And watch out, fat chefs. I’m gonna show the nation how to cook delicious food that won’t make you fat.”
Accompanying this were three photos of supposedly fat chefs, two of which I don’t even know. The first was biting into what looked like fried cod, the second was a normal-looking guy, and the third – and this is the kicker, here – was Nigella Lawson.
Excuuuuuuuuuuse me, Gordon Ramsay? First of all, a correction: Nigella is not actually a chef. A rookie mistake, Gordon, it’s OK. Second, she’s not fat! How many times do we have to go over this? Just because the woman isn’t afraid to eat an entire meal and is a two-digit size, she’s fat? Sorry, but I call bullshit on that one.
And what about zooming in on her stomach, but not the male chefs’? Well, I guess that goes with your whole sexist, manly man thing you have going on.
Oh, and “food that won’t make you fat”? On your first episode, you made goat cheese soufflé, fish with potatoes sautéed in butter, and rosewater cream with raisin cookies. Going by what I assume you think “food that won’t make you fat” is, I’d say you’re failing your own test there, buddy. I won’t even mention all the atrocities on previous seasons where you added a chunk of butter to everything and wrapped meats in cheese and more meat. Besides, almost anything that isn’t a vegetable will make you fat if you eat enough of it.
Ladies of the blogging universe, have at it.
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I woke up a little late to the Twitter craze. I admit, at first, I couldn’t see why I would possibly need a Twitter – I live on Facebook, and I get pretty much everything I need in a social media site there. But then, yesterday, I got incredibly bored and took the bait.
And guys? OMG, guys? Twitter is awesome. Not only because within a half hour, Rainn Wilson knew who I was, but have you heard about what a vital role it’s playing in the Iranian election debacle? As of right now, Twitter is the primary source of communication between protesters and the rest of the world. The Iranian government has shut down foreign media inside its borders, blocked communication outlets, and is trying its damnedest to silence the outraged voters, but Twitter is taking a stand with democracy and doing everything it can to make sure the voices of Iranians all over the world are not silenced. It rescheduled maintenance so that it would have a minimal effect on people tweeting from Iran and published a list of things Twitter users all over the world can do to help the cause. When I click the tag #IranElection, thousands upon thousands of entries come up, mostly legitimate updates and information cycling through the Twitterverse about what’s going on in Iran and what we can do to show our support. In two minutes, a thousand more appear.
Who knew a superficial internet tool like Twitter would be so instrumental in a political revolution?
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Commercials that aired during a break of ANTM on Oxygen:
1. Promo for more ANTM.
2. Promo for “Dance Your Ass Off”, the new weight loss by dance show.
3. Ad for Madea Goes to Jail.
4. Ad for Payless BOGO sale.
5. Heinz ketchup ad, voiced by a woman, showing a tomato vine sprouting up and growing a ketchup bottle, then a little boy putting it on a hamburger.
6. Dog food ad showing a woman doing yoga and her adorable golden retriever getting playfully in the way.
7. Ad for Overstock.com, an online warehouse, voiced by a woman, showing a man barbecuing, a woman sitting outside on her computer, a man drilling something into a wall, a dad cooking pancakes for his daughter, a man nodding approvingly of a digital camera.
8. Ad for RepHresh, a feminine product one can use “after your period, after intimacy, after douching,” that runs during literally every commercial break of ANTM.
9. Ad for steam washing machine.
10. Ad for new combo laundry sheets.
11. Burger King commercial filmed like a Home Shopping Network spot.
12. Promo for Away We Go
13. Baskin Robbins Ad.
I mean, I know you’ve got to play to your market and everything, but come on! I’ve been enjoying the ANTM marathons, but this channel really makes me want to run for president.
Also, the laundry sheet ad claims that as technology evolves, everything gets thinner: cameras, televisions, dresses… I’ll see your technological advancements and raise you: men’s neckties (1960s vs. today?), mattresses, and the American people. (Ok, so that may have been in poor taste, but it is nonetheless true, and I am including myself in that.)
